Ashtray

There are people for whom
A does not precede B.
May be I am one.
At times beneath the banyan tree
you have touched my hand
in one moment that we can not recreate.
I was to take yours and press a bit,
shelter your cold palm in mine.

I have only smiled.

At times inside a lonely tram,
along the roots of our heritage city
and with an ageing conductor,
you have wished I will cuddle
and plant a kiss, perhaps.

Spring has come, but I have sat
like a tree where winter still hails.
Stoic, willing, wishing and still desperately, wishing.

At times while argumenting
You have tried to fight, jostle.
Anger is the flame of love's impurity.
You have tried to burn us together.

I have kept silent
Having hundred questions to ask you
but never could, even one.
I have let you win, always.
I have let you lose, thus.

In high fever, one night,
Trembling you have murmured,
" Come unto me".
'Passionate' the lover I am, have stood still.
Gently touching your forehead I have let you sleep.

In all these times,
where we could have created
loving sequence of a thousand touchable dreams,
I have existed, only.

Now that you are not there
for reasons humane, I wish to shout and say,
my restraints were only apparent.

Deep down, you could never know,
there was a heartbeat that ran and ran
and is still running, today, at this moment
for that one touch...


... A touch that will make me feel like a child,
and let me sleep, just.

We will make love when I wake up.

SoUmY@